Momma

Momma
by: Carol Andrews
6/2/15

Momma, you don't know you are pregnant with me yet. You will very soon though. I just want you to know that no matter what, God made me and knows my story already. God knew who my parents would be and knew that you and daddy would be strong enough for everything that I would need.

Momma, you should know that the world is going to consider me special needs. I won't be born looking or acting like most others will. There will be trials and issues that I will face that many won't. So few will understand but those that do you will learn to cherish.

Momma, you will have many battles to face to get the care and treatment I need to thrive. God knew all of this before I was created. The love you and daddy share has to stay strong so you two can fight together for me.

Momma, I already know you love me even though you don't know what I am facing yet. God knows though. He wouldn't have given me to you if He didn't already know you could do it.

Momma, today is my birth day. I am being born today. I sense your excitement and nervousness. As I am born, I see your face for the first time as you see mine. I see your tears of joy.

Momma, I know the doctor talked to you today. I see your tears. Please don't cry because of my diagnosis, cry tears of joy because I am your special gem. Don't cry because I will show the world what I can do. Stand proud momma.

Momma, I know the world sent you to Holland instead if Italy but in Holland, there are so many joys to be found. There will be hard days but days of joy too. Don't take what people say about me or you too hard. Most don't understand.

Momma, watch me prove to the world that I shine just like everyone else, only my light that I shine is a little different but it is such a pretty color that stands out. I have a heart of gold.

Momma, so many say that I won't do this or that but watch me. I may not do it like everyone else says I should but watch me. I will stand tall and shine. Will you stand there with me with your heart beaming with pride? Will you cry happy tears instead of tears of sadness?

Momma, don't mourn because I wasn't normal. Mourn for those who refuse to understand and pray for them. Yet momma, focus on those who stand with us. Feel joy for the times where you know you aren't fighting alone.

Momma, there will be seasons where you feel alone and misunderstood. There will be seasons of pain and sadness. There will be seasons of joy and excitement too.

Momma, just remember those seasons over the years will make you stronger and grow more in your faith. Through you momma, I will see what we can do.

Momma, with God, nothing is impossible. I will prove that.

Love, your son/daughter

Did we lose?

"Sometimes when you lose, you win."

It's a line from a Robin Williams movie. I miss him.....

What does that line have to do with today's post you ask? When the journey to Holland beings, all too often we feel like either we have lost or our child(ren) have. Lost in this case could mean many things. Lost the dreams we had, lost the ability to do things and more. We feel like our world has fallen apart and crashed on us.

Yet did we really lose? There are days when it sure feels that way..... Yet look at all the blessings our gems give us? They may not shine under the same light as others do but I think with the light they have, they shine brighter. The light for 'typical' children isn't better or worse but it's different. I don't see special needs children as better or worse off. Medically sometimes yes, as unfortunately that can be reality but yet they are also the strongest warriors. Yet as many parents including myself would say, we aren't stronger or better then other parents either, it's just that when you are flung into this journey, you have no choice but to push forward. Help from friends and family and even strangers helps a lot though. A LOT.


"It takes a very special person to care for children with special needs. God gives them to people who will love them no matter what." One of my favorite nurses, Anita told me this the other day. It took me a long time to really, truly accept this. Yet I think she's right.

I also teased her and a few other friends by posting this: "Let it be known that I am the least miss plan-it with type A tendencies. I also do not worry about anything whatsoever and I do not have any control tendencies."

Those that know me, know that I am full of it on that one. lol Yet the struggle is real. It has benefits yet also curses. The hardest part for me is knowing the difference sometimes...

Trust is my hardest one. Trusting anyone other then myself and even then sometimes I don't. As my son's surgery approaches, that is one storm that is already rolling in. Blood checks and shots start this coming week to bring on more blood into my son's little body so he will deal with the surgery better on that aspect. Yet as I have done before, we will get through this. I have to be the mean momma and hold him down but I thank God that he's too young to remember. My daughter however is not as she will bear witness this time to what she had to deal with at about his same age.

Even through my daughter has been through this before, more then once, her eyes will be opened to a whole new perspective as now being the sibling. May my children help each other through this journey they have and may I be the rock they need. Most of all, may my husband and I rely on our Rock, to lead and guide us.

So did we really lose? I don't think so. It's no cakewalk by any means but the blessings outweigh the bad. May I remember that on the bad days too.


My storm: This coming week begins summer officially and it's already looking to be a crazy one...
My rainbow: Blessings in unexpected places.

Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~

Sunset

This is tonight's sunset from my driveway. All of the clouds and we are supposed to get more rain. I got more pics than just this one tonight. About ten minutes earlier I was out getting a few and it was sprinkling rain. I asked God for a rainbow to see. I turned around and saw a really faint one. I then asked if He could make it more brilliant so I knew my camera would get it. I felt in my heart to get what pics I could and just to wait. So I did.

When I got back inside, I did an auto correct on my photo software and got this pic. Original first.




See the difference? (Besides the computer being stubborn about centering the pics....)

The lesson I got out of this first of all is to trust beyond what I can see.... So hard.... The other thought I had is the lens we see with vs the lens the camera sees with. What am I saying? How does the world view our special gems versus how we and our close ones view our children? The world too often doesn't see beyond the face, an ability or lack of, the wheelchair, etc. Yet we are the first ones to see beyond that. Bias? Perhaps it is. However the way I see it, we have to find the beauty in the storms in life, in our children, in others before those around us will. We have to find the beauty in the sunset as night sets in. Even in the night we can find beauty, if we are looking for it.

Just something to think on.

~ Special Momma ~