Storms and Rainbows

"When the storm passes and the sun shines again, it's clear to see the damage. The heartache truly sets in as we begin a new journey."
~ Susan Guy ~
(Keep her in your prayers please.)


So much is talked about the rainbows after the storms. But what it doesn't talk about is the damage left by the storms. Someone has to clean that up and rebuild. Even once the journey has begun, storms will often hit. Often without any warning. During the storm, all that you are doing is going through it day by day, minute by minute praying you survive mentally, if not physically as well. These storms can last a very short time to years and years.... The severity varies greatly. Sometimes you have light to guide you during these storms, sometimes not. The light varies in brightness as well. Sometimes the storms are just rain and sometimes it's a category 5 hurricane.....

Today I felt a storm hit. I have known it was coming being that my children have MRI's and stuff soon but I didn't expect to have to fight insurance again already..... We are going to suffer for it this time.... Hopefully by my son's surgery it will be settled... I hope... Honestly I'm freaked out a little but it all works out.... It has to.... I'm trying to keep the faith... The hardest thing in the storms is to still hear God's voice through the roar of the storm....

"I was sure by now God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away,
Stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
That it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear your whisper through the rain
I'm with you
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives
and takes away"


Right now I'm not sure what God is trying to say other then to be patient..... I got that hint while checking e-mail yet again today waiting for our schedule of appointments ahead..... PATIENCE ISN'T A STRONG SUIT YOU KNOW!!! :) What I fear the most on this part of it is how it all will be covered..... One can't get blood out of a turnip. I know my children are in good hands though. Besides, this momma knows how to roar like a good old momma bear. It's not the first or the last time I have had to roar to get things done....... I admit I'm a worry wart who is an anal miss-plan-it, must have a plan A-Z and have things DONE early. Gee, I wonder why I am that way! Because I have to be and things don't get done by clinics and insurance otherwise!! (I'll shut up now. lol)

As hard as it is sometimes, we have to toughen up too.... Yet we have to have time to let our guard down and rest from the battles of everyday life.... That's harder sometimes.... Finding rest when we feel like we always have to be ready to fight, defend and carry on no matter what.... Many of us wonder what true REST is.... Yet God tells us to find rest in Him.... Shutting up my mind of thoughts is the hardest part in doing that....

Rest in the Lord

By: Melissa Whitney - I think

Based on Psalm 37:7, "Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him..."

Often we are tried and troubled
Many a care have we;
Jesus knows each thought, each feeling,
He sees what we can’t see.
He knows that every flame He sends
Will only purify;
Every flood can wash us clean
When He is by our side.

Rest in the Lord; wait patiently for Him
He will be your light when the way has grown dim
Rest in the Lord; wait patiently for Him
He will guide you, walk beside you
Just trust in Him.

When we cannot see why
A problem must arise
Jesus knows the end will make it
Worth our flooded eyes
He works each circumstance together
As part of His wise plan
He only asks we trust Him fully
And, by His grace, we can

Rest in the Lord; wait patiently for Him
He will be your light when the way has grown dim
Rest in the Lord; wait patiently for Him
He will guide you, walk beside you
Just trust in Him.

Things and people change
Though we wish they’d stay the same
Jesus is the only one
Who doesn’t ever change
He’s always there to lead and guide us
Be our faithful friend
His love can never, ever fail
He’ll be with us to the end!

So rest in the Lord; wait patiently for Him
He will be your light when the way has grown dim
Rest in the Lord; wait patiently for Him
He will guide you, walk beside you
Just trust in Him.

Written January 2005


Yet trying to get others to understand our journey sometimes is at least half the battle.....


http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/aug/16/children-disabilities-special-needs-mumsnet-campaign
"Amanda Marlow, 43, who lives in Milton Keynes, says she has survived by growing a skin so thick she doubts anyone's disapproval could penetrate it. "Sometimes I think if I marched through the shopping centre with 'F off' written on my forehead, I couldn't be more obvious about it," she says.

She has four children, twins Elizabeth and James, 13, Oliver, seven, and Alex, six. Elizabeth has Treacher Collins syndrome (which causes craniofacial abnormalities); James has Asperger's syndrome and Alex has severe autism.

"What I'd like people to understand," she says, "is that these are my children. This is my life. It's not a bed of roses, but we try to make the best of every day. What would be nice is if people were kind and considerate once in a while, and gave us a bit of space. We're dealing with issues that most people haven't got a clue about, and it's intrusive when you get someone coming up to you and saying, he needs a clip round the ear when one of them has a tantrum."

If Amanda, Claire and Jane could ask the rest of us to do just one thing, it would be to stop staring. "It's fine to do a double take, but once you've taken in that our children have a disability, get on with what you're doing. It doesn't give you the right to gawp," says Claire.

Beyond staring, what angers Amanda is when strangers ask about Elizabeth. "They say, what's wrong with her? And I say, nothing's wrong with her. She's fine."

"Claire agrees: it's not a tragedy, she says, that her child has a disability. "We don't need pity; we're a very happy family and we just want to get on with our lives. I hate people calling me 'special' or thinking I somehow have extra qualities that enable me to deal with all this. The truth is that when it happened to me, I thought I couldn't cope.

"But a very wise person said to me: 'You'll cope because you have to.' And that's what anyone would do. Calling us 'special' or alluding to our great qualities makes us different, sets us apart, and we don't want that at all."

These and I would say the other huge thing many families face is the financial hardship. So many rely on Medicaid or similar programs.... Also being a special needs family is isolating. But also you learn about so many more families like you. Too often you only learn of these families via social media like Facebook. We are not alone though.....You may feel alone where you live, especially if you don't know many other families but you are far from alone in the world..... (I have to remind myself of this OFTEN as well....)


 What I Would Tell You
I sensed someone watching me as I comforted my daughter after a particularly traumatizing dentist appointment at the Children’s Hospital. I looked up and saw you staring at us from across the waiting lounge. I didn’t pay much attention; I’ve grown accustomed to the curious eyes of onlookers. Our daughter was born seven and a half years ago, and after an abrupt lack of oxygen at birth, she changed the course of our lives forever. Perhaps, our lives unfolded exactly as they were meant to — they just didn’t unfold in the way we’d imagined or planned.

I talked to my daughter, kissed her and hugged her. I was giving her a brief break before putting her through the next traumatic experience of the day — the car ride home. Cerebral palsy can turn a car seat into a torture chamber.

I stood up to gather our things, my daughter in my arms, and it was then that I noticed you were holding an infant. It was difficult to know for certain how old she was. I knew immediately, though, that you were one of us. I knew that only recently your life had changed drastically and you sat here in this Children’s Hospital wondering, “How did we get here?” I should have recognized that shocked stare because I once had it, too. And I assume the man sitting next to you, looking equally tired and shocked, was your husband.

I made my way toward the doors, and as I passed you, our eyes met and I smiled at you. You smiled back, and for a moment I knew you knew I understood.

If I could, I would tell you — although you might not believe it right now — you will be OK. I would tell you to dig deep within yourself because you will find the strength and resilience somehow, and it will surprise you. I would tell you to honor your feelings and let the tears flow when they need to. You will need the energy for more important things than holding in emotions.

I would tell you that the man sitting next to you might cope differently and he might even want to run the other way. But I would tell you to hang on because he is scared and he really doesn’t want to leave you. I would tell you to look after yourself so that you can care for your daughter. Don’t underestimate the power of good nutrition, exercise, sleep, supplements and an empathetic therapist.

I would tell you that grief will come and it will confuse you because how can something that brings such joy also bring such sadness? I would tell you to let people into your lives to help you. Our children really do require a village to raise them. Access all the services and resources available. Find someone who can learn how to care for your child so you can have breaks and so you and your partner can go on dates — even little ones like a 20-minute stroll outside holding hands, sharing wine on the deck or even catching a movie.

I would tell you that you know your child best, and no matter what you’re told by the doctors and other professionals, you know the answers. You will teach them about your child. At times you will question the validity of your intuition, but after a while you will become profoundly aware of how accurate your gut feelings are when it comes to your child.

I would tell you not to be a martyr. Caring for your child will require tremendous focus and unimaginable energy, and it can burn you out and make you sick when you least expect it. I would tell you to let your guard down along the way so you can stay healthy in your mind and spirit.

I would tell you to seek out other mothers like yourself. This is, indeed, the road less traveled, and you will feel alone along the way, especially in the company of healthy children and their parents. Yes, you will feel isolated, but know we are here. Sometimes you have to look a little harder but we are here. You can find us online, in support groups and wandering the halls of the Children’s Hospital.

I would tell you that you will know far too much about the human anatomy, neurology, gastro-enterology, feeding tubes, pharmaceuticals and so on, than a mother should ever have to know. I would also tell you to do some research to inform yourself but don’t let the internet overwhelm you. Having some trust in what your child’s specialists tell you can be grounding. Other mothers and fathers of children like ours can be a wealth of information.

I would tell you this isn’t an easy life. It’s tough, there’s no doubt about it, but you’re capable, and the rewards are great. You may never see your child graduate from a university, walk down the aisle or give birth to your grandchildren, but you will feel pure joy when your child laughs for the first time. You will celebrate the moment when you connect with your nonverbal child. You will call your spouse at work to tell him that she has gained 4 ounces because weight gain is always a struggle with our children.

I would tell you that you will have to witness procedures and surgeries and suffering well beyond what any parent should ever have to bear. But, I would tell you that you will be courageous and comforting because your child will be experiencing far more suffering than any child should ever have to endure.

I would tell you that your life will not resemble the life you had planned. It will be as though you landed in Holland instead of Italy, but after some time, you will adjust the dreams you had and this reality will be normal to you. You will dream new dreams.

I would tell you that others will not get it. They can’t. This is a unique and complex journey on all levels. We cannot expect anyone to get it. And I would tell you that people — the cashier at the grocery store or your insurance broker or even your hair stylist — will say things like, “God only gives these special kids to special mothers” and “God will only give you what you can handle.” You will nod and smile, but eventually you will look them right in the face and tell them that those simple maxims are a bunch of bull.

I would tell you that imagining your future will be bittersweet and may involve a Plan A and a Plan B. Plan A will be what you will do if your child outlives the predicted life expectancy set forth by the experts, and Plan B will come into play if they do not. You will catch yourself casually discussing your future with the code phrases of Plan A and Plan B.

I would tell you that grief will creep up on you after years have passed and you least expect it, like at a wedding when the father and bride have their first dance or when you hear a birth announcement. It will also creep up on you when you see yourself in a new mother who is just beginning this journey.

I would tell you that you will recognize her because she is you from seven and a half years ago. And you will want to run to her and hug her and tell her that everything will be OK. You will want to save her from the pain and the hardship and the unknown.

But I would tell you that when you find yourself sitting at the Children’s Hospital and you see a new mom and dad who are just starting this journey, you will smile at them and walk by. They have their own path to travel, and it will be different than yours. It may be longer or shorter. It may be more or less complicated.

I would tell you that this mother’s searching eyes are looking for some sign that she will survive this. And you, smiling as you pass, with your child arching all over your shoulder, will let her know that yes, she will survive this and may even thrive.

Julie Keon
June 29th 2011

Lost
By : Carol Andrews
11-7-14

I could feel you within my heart
but the storms in the night pulled you away from me.
I called out your name but I can't speak above the thunder.
The rain is pouring out, beating upon my ravaged soul.
I reach for you but you aren't there.
I know you are out there but you are far away from me.
I can't feel you beside me now.
Where are you now?
Are you lost, or is it me?
Will I find you again?
I feel alone in the darkness without you.
I know I will see you again but when?
I can barely hear you with you so far.
Are you still in this storm or are you on shore?
If you are looking for me, leave your footprints on the midnight shore.
I may someday find you again.
Are you searching for me?
Can you see the storm tearing me apart at sea?
Will I ever find shore again?
As the night grows darker, the more blind I am.
In faith I step out toward my heart.
I am falling into despair.
The storm is drowning me to the eternal darkness.
To the place where eternal dreams are nightmares.
As I take my last breath I plea to you.
"Save me!" I whispered, as the darkness drowns me.
I look up and you are grasping the hand that is above my head.
I feel you pulling me up from the depths of hell.
I feel your strong grip as you shield me from the storm.
"Where were you Lord when I needed you?"
"I was there, you only had to call out to me."


Inspired from the song Hymn for the Missing by RED


Let's see how it all goes....
~ Special Momma ~

Chosen One (Or two in our case)

The Chosen One

Not just any child could walk this uphill road.
These children walk it every day, carrying a heavy load.
They show us heights of courage that we may never reach.
They show us what it is to fight a fight you cannot teach.

We stand beside them knowing there is no guarantee.
Except the one we started with to love them endlessly.
They are the special chosen ones, God knew it from the start.
He picked each child for cancer by measuring their heart.

The ones that measured the biggest would someday face the test.
The challenge is to understand-God loves them more, not less. He's using them to move our hearts closer to his own. Teaching us to trust his plan and fear not the unknown.

For God can move a mountain and part the raging sea.
He wants our struggles offered up and given forth to thee.
He smiles upon the chosen ones, before they're ever born and blesses them with courage to walk through any storm.

His love for them surpasses ours and cannot be denied, for in the dark of suffering his light will not subside. No matter what the outcome, there is the greatest peace, in knowing deep inside their hearts, His love will never cease.

~Author Unknown 
 

Now obviously not all children have cancer but really, this fits for all of our precious gems, our children.

I have talked about night before. Often I feel like I live in the night. Night isn't depression, not in that sense but night as in often in a valley, storm, etc. Often those storms are in my mind and I know that. Often it is because too many thoughts go through my head and I can't shut my mind up. Often it's because of recent appointments or upcoming. Or it's from knowing I have to deal with yet something else with insurance/school/headaches/doctor referrals, etc. It's always something. It's one reason why I listen to music or have something else going where I can focus on that thing. If I don't, my mind starts going and going. Driving alone on trips is the worst with my brain just going all over the place, especially after appointments. 

Light does overpower darkness!

How far away can a single candle flame be seen in darkness? If Earth were flat, or if you were standing atop a mountain surveying a larger-than-usual patch of the planet, you could perceive bright lights hundreds of miles distant. On a dark night, you could even see a candle flame flickering up to 30 mi. (48 km) away. Our eyes can see a galaxy 2.6 million light-years away. That's just our human eyes!

“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." Og Mandino

Think about a night light. It's not bright. During the day, you don't really see it at all but at night, it is the brightest so therefore it lights a path. A lighthouse helps boats come to shore. There is also a lighthouse at the Ronald McDonald House in Dallas. It is there so those at Children's Medical Center can see it and know their family is staying there. Jesus also calls himself the Light.
John 8:12 says, "Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, "I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won't have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life."

No matter how dark the journey is, there are lighter days ahead and in the meantime, find some light. It may feel like the room is the blackest ever but just one candle can light up an entire room. It's crazy to say but sometimes I find the best solace at night. Though sometimes at night, also brings the biggest thoughts..... Good or bad...

I believe in the sun even when it’s not shining. I believe in love even when I don’t feel it. I believe in God even when He is silent.

These three lines were scratched into the wall of a German concentration camp during WW2. In the midst of horror, someone declared their faith in the God that did not answer the way they thought He would.
- See more at: http://blog.precept.org/i-believe-in-god-even-when-hes-silent/#sthash.DRgFe081.dpuf

I believe in the sun even when it’s not shining. I believe in love even when I don’t feel it. I believe in God even when He is silent.

These three lines were scratched into the wall of a German concentration camp during WW2. In the midst of horror, someone declared their faith in the God that did not answer the way they thought He would.
- See more at: http://blog.precept.org/i-believe-in-god-even-when-hes-silent/#sthash.DRgFe081.dpuf

However, we have two special gems. So, to that I will remember too that it only takes a little light through those gems to shine beautifully like a rainbow that fills a room. May my two special, darling gems shine brightly, no matter how little or how much light is within and around them.


"I believe in the sun even when it's not shining.
I believe in love even when I don't feel it.
I believe in God even when He is silent."
~ Unknown ~
Found on a wall in a German concentration camp from WWII


Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~

Tea Cup and Thorns

Today I am going to share two of my favorite, inspiring stories. I cherish both of these. I hope they touch you as well.

An American couple went to England to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary.  They loved antiques, pottery and china. In a little China Shoppe, they both singled out a beautiful tea cup on the top shelf. “May I see that?” He said, “I’ve never seen a tea cup like it, it’s beautiful.” But suddenly the tea cup spoke, “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, I haven’t always been a tea cup. There was a time when I was red and I was clay. My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over. And I yelled out, “Let me alone!” But He only smiled and said, “Not yet.”
“Then I was placed on a spinning wheel,” The tea cup said, “and I was spun round and round and round. “Stop it, I’m getting dizzy.” The master only nodded and said, “Not yet.”
 “Then he put me in an oven. I’ve never felt such heat. I wondered why He wanted to burn me and I yelled. I knocked at the door, I could see Him through the opening and I could read his lips as He shook his head and said, “Not yet.” Finally the door did open, “Whee!” I said, and he put me on a shelf and I began to cool. “There, that’s better”, I said.
Suddenly He brushed me and painted me all over and the fumes were horrible and I began to gag. “Stop it, stop it!” I cried. He only nodded and smiled, “Not yet.” And suddenly He put me back in the oven, twice as hot as the first one and I knew I was going to suffocate. I begged and I pleaded and I screamed and I cried. All the time I could see Him through the door, shaking His head and saying, “Not yet.”
Then I knew that there was no hope and I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened, He took me out and placed me on a shelf. An hour later He handed me a mirror and said, “Look at yourself,” and I did, and I said, “That’s not me, that couldn’t be me, why that’s beautiful.”
“I want you to remember,” He said then, “I know it hurt to be rolled and patted, but if I had left you, you would have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on a wheel but if I had stopped you, you would have crumbled. I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn’t put you there you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I painted you, but you see, if I hadn’t done that you would never have hardened and there would have been no color to your life. And if I hadn’t put you back in that second oven, you would not have survived very long and the hardness would not have held. Now, you are a finished product, you are what I had in mind when I first began with you.”

In Phil. 1:6 it says, ‘I am confident of this very thing, that He who hath begun a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus’

    Where are you in God’s perfect plan for your life?

    Written by: Unknown

The moral of this story is this: God knows what He's doing for each of us. He is the Potter, and we are His clay. He will mold us and make us and expose us to just enough pressures of just the right kinds, that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect Will.

So when life seems hard, and you are being pounded and patted and pushed almost beyond endurance; when your world seems to be spinning out of control; when you feel like you are in a fiery furnace of trials; when life seems to 'stink', try this.

Thorns

Sandra felt as low as the heels of her Birkenstocks as she pushed against a November gust and the florist shop door.

Her life had been easy, like a spring breeze. Then in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole her ease.

During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son. She grieved over her loss. As if that weren't enough her husband's company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not come. What's worse, Sandra's friend infuriated her by suggesting her grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer. Had she lost a child? No! She has no idea what I'm feeling, thought Sandra with a shudder. Thanksgiving? Thankful for what? she wondered. For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life but took that of her child?

"Good afternoon, can I help you?" The flower shop clerk's approach startled her. "Sorry," said Jenny, "I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you."

"I....I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra.

"For Thanksgiving?" Sandra nodded.

"Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the Thanksgiving Special." Jenny saw Sandra's curiosity and continued. "I'm convinced that flowers tell stories, that each arrangement insinuates a particular feeling. Are you looking for something that conveys gratitude this Thanksgiving?"

"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted. "Sorry, but in the last five months, everything that could go wrong has." Sandra regretted her outburst but was surprised when Jenny said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."

The door's small bell suddenly rang. "Barbara! Hi, let me get your order," Jenny said. She politely excused herself from Sandra and walked toward a small workroom. She quickly reappeared carrying a massive arrangement of greenery, bows, and long-stemmed thorny roses. Only, the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped, no flowers.

"Want this in a box?" Jenny asked.

Sandra watched for Barbara's response. Was this a joke? Who would want rose stems and no flowers! She waited for laughter, for someone to notice the absence of flowers atop the thorny stems, but neither woman did.

"Yes, please. It's exquisite," Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I'd not be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again." She gently tapped her chest. "My family will love this one. Thanks."

Sandra stared. Why so normal a conversation about so strange an arrangement? she wondered. "Uh," said Sandra, pointing. "That lady just left, it, uhm...uh.."

"Yes?"

"Well, you gave her no flowers!"

"Right, I cut off the flowers."

"Cut them off?"

"Off. Yep. That's the Special. I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet."

"I just cannot believe people would pay for that!" In spite of herself she chuckled.

"Do you really want to know why?"

"I couldn't leave this shop without knowing. I'd think of nothing else!"

"That might be good," mused Jenny. "Well," she continued, "Barbara came into the shop three years ago feeling very much like you feel today. She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had lost her father to cancer, the family business was failing, her son was into drugs, and she faced major surgery."

"Ooooh!" murmured Sandra.

"That same year, I had lost my husband," Jenny went on. "I assumed complete responsibility for the shop and for the first time, spent the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too great a debt to allow any travel."

"What did you do?"

"I learned to be thankful for thorns."

Sandra's eyebrows lifted. "Thorns?"

"I'm a Christian, Sandra. I've always thanked God for good things in life and I never thought to ask Him why good things happened to me, but, when bad stuff hit, did I ever ask! It took time to learn that dark times are important. I always enjoyed the 'flowers' of life but it took thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort. You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."

Sandra sucked in her breath as she thought about the very thing her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God."

She started to ask Jenny to "go on" when the door's bell diverted their attention. "Hey, Phil!" shouted Jenny as a balding, rotund man entered the shop. She softly touched Sandra's arm and moved to welcome him. He tucked her under his side for a warm hug.

"I'm here for twelve thorny long-stemmed stems!" Phil laughed, heartily.

"I figured as much," said Jenny, "and I've got them ready." She lifted a tissue-wrapped arrangement from the refrigerated cabinet.

"Beautiful," exclaimed Phil. "My wife will love them!"

Sandra could not resist asking. "These are for your wife? Do you mind me asking, why thorns?"

"In fact, I'm glad you asked," Phil replied. "Four years ago my wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's guidance, we slogged through, problem by rotten problem. He rescued our marriage-our love, really. Last year at Thanksgiving I stopped in here for flowers. I must have mentioned surviving a tough process because Jenny told me that for a long time she kept a vase of rose stems---stems!---as a reminder of what she learned from "thorny" times. That was good enough for me. I took home stems. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific thorny situation and give thanks for what the problem taught us."

Phil paid Jenny, thanked her again and as he left, said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"

"I don't know if I can be thankful yet for the thorns in my life." Sandra said to Jenny. "It is still...too fresh."

"Well," Jenny replied carefully, "my experience says that thorns make roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember, it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love. Do not resent the thorns."

Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident she loosened her grip on resentment. "I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please." she managed to choke out.

"I hoped you would," Jenny said. "I'll have them ready in a minute. Then, every time you see them, remember to appreciate both good and hard times. We grow through both."

"Thank you. What do I owe you?"

"Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow our Lord to heal your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me." Jenny smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach a card like this to your arrangement but maybe you'd like to read it first."

It said:

"My God, I have never thanked Thee for my thorns! I have thanked Thee a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear, teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed to Thee by the path of pain. Show me that my tears have made my rainbow."

Jenny said, "Happy Thanksgiving, Sandra," handing her the Special. "I look forward to our knowing each other better."

Sandra smiled. She turned, opened the door and walked toward hope.
-George Matheson

To me, the moral of both stories is that life overall is honest to God tough. Dare I say, HELL sometimes.... I struggle so often with some days sometimes.... My children have big appointments coming up in Dallas soon and I keep telling myself that it's just checkups and routine stuff. I have done this with my daughter countless times and I should be able to do it with my son without worry, right? RRRIIGGHHTT....... I find myself not being able to shut my brain up..... I want the full schedule already, I want to know what the MRI on both kids will show. I want to know especially what the neurosurgeon will say....

Some days are really good, other days are not. The days my daughter is in pain from yet another headache are some of the bad ones. Yet it also makes me wonder what my son will have to endure as well.

Sometimes it's hard to not blame either myself for "giving" them this crap or even feeling like I'm not doing enough to "fix" it or at least fight for them hard and long enough...... "I may not be out of the dark yet. I may not be standing in full sunshine. But the moon has risen in the dark, and it’s full, and it’s bright, and I can imagine the sunlight on the horizon. For now, that’s enough."
Quoted from HERE

I couldn't leave without sharing some lyrics to a new album that I should have by Monday. Those who read on Caringbridge know I post links all the time for songs that get stuck in my head.....

Yours Again by RED

I can almost feel You breathing
Like a whisper in my ear
I remember how You lost me
Or how I lost You
I stare into the blackness
It's staring back at me
Why did I try to live without You?
I want You
I need You

Open up my eyes
I need Your light again
Burning me inside
I need Your love again
I can feel our hearts collide
I can feel our hearts ignite
Open up my eyes
I'm Yours again

Will I wake up from this moment?
Will I see You slip away?
Or is this a new beginning?
Of beauty and rage?
Where did I lose my passion?
Where did I stop to fade?
Without You my world is darkness
I won't let go again

Open up my eyes
I need Your light again
Burning me inside
I need Your love again
I can feel our hearts collide
I can feel our hearts ignite
Open up my eyes
I'm Yours again

I'm Yours again

I'm never letting go

I'm Yours again

Open up my eyes
I need Your light again
Burning me inside
I need Your love again
I can feel our hearts collide
I can feel our hearts ignite
Open up my eyes
I'm Yours again 


Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~