Children

"How many children do you want?"
"Are you going to have more children?"
"You already have one special needs child, why want another?"
"You will really be busy now that you have two special needs kids."
"Mommy, I want a sister."
"Are you done having children?"

And the list can continue.

Not long ago, we have been working in a lesson book in Sunday School. There was a verse in it talking about how children are to be shot into the world like arrows. Blessed is the man who has his quiver full. I didn't say it right but you get the picture. Since that lesson, I have been thinking long and hard really about what that means.

The notes I took for that lesson was how God gave us our children for the great commission for one. The ultimate mission isn't to protect our children but to let them become what God wants them to be. Let go and watch them do God's mission. The earlier we teach them, the more likely they will. Are we willing and eager for our children to do God's calling for them no matter the costs?

Society sees children as a burden, especially financially. I can definitely see how society would see that. It's hard work! The purpose of kids is to extend God's mission field, not to bring attention to us. Often anymore it's about what our kids can do for us. I don't mean just working around the house while we watch type thing. How many sports do they play in? Drama club, cheerleading, basketball, volleyball, etc. Are they in that because THEY want to be or because YOU insist and two, are you using your children as a way to brag on yourself? "My son does this, this, this and this. What about yours?" type thing. 

Raising kids is one of the greatest blessings you can have. Really. 

The final question then was: How many kids does God want you to have, not what YOU want to have?

Let's be real here: Most of us say one or two. When I first married my husband, I said no more the three. I am not yet 33 and I have two living children and one angel from a miscarriage in between the two. My daughter who is seven is currently wanting a sister despite having a seven month old brother. To make that "worse", she teases about wanting twin sisters. Yeah, you read that right! Thanks a lot Jacque!! ;-) Yet even I let what society thinks, get the better of me. How? Honestly?? Financial being the biggest one, especially with having a young one in diapers for at least another 18 months. Two, I want to enjoy my son being young, not feel like I'm going to have two "babies" at once. And honestly for three, my own fears.
I figured after finding out I was pregnant with my son, we were done. Period, end of story. DONE! Main reason being because of the risks of the craniofacial issues arising. It was 50/50.... Both of my living children have that as a primary diagnosis. So given that, the first thing I think of when I'm asked if we are having anymore children, "I can't take that risk." Yet that is ME talking, not God.

So therefore, how many children does God want me to have? I have no idea. I'm not as young as I used to be and my clock is ticking. Yet society says no. Do I honestly know what to think currently? No..... I know unless God does something drastic (Which He is perfectly capable) no more children out of me for a while certainly and honestly likely ever. It's not that a part of me doesn't want just one more, it's that I don't know what I would do if we hit the "genetic lottery" a third time. Technically fourth. I don't know what if anything my angel had. Though someday both of my children will ask me why we didn't have anymore children. For a long time I debated how I would ever answer something like that. At least now I can say that God chose for us to have or not have anymore kids.

My job as a parent, especially a special needs parent is to raise my children to have a relationship with God first but also to grow up in this cruel and dark world as a light of hope. Hard for sure but that's my job. It took five years on this journey to see the opportunities to share light in this dark world within the realm of where God has me at. I don't to this day honestly see it everyday but I do see it, mainly while on or trips for "biggie" appointments. My daughter has despite the "financial and emotional burden" society says I have, been very blessed. She has gone viral before, met Sonny Sandoval and his band P.O.D twice, and more. Because of where this journey has taken us, she is where she is today. My son, no telling what blessings he will get. Likely not the same ones as my daughter but likely just as good if not perhaps better. 

As hard as children are to raise in this cruel, dark and perverse world, most days I could honestly say, I wouldn't have it any other way. I just wish God didn't trust me so much sometimes..... 

Cheers!!
~ Special Momma ~




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