Midnight Moon

The sun has just set. You knew as dusk set in that midnight was coming. Midnight is the darkest time. It's when the shadows are at their biggest, noises are heard the most or when silence rings loudest. It was under a full moon that Jesus prayed alone in the garden knowing his biggest trial was at hand. He knew midnight, his death was approaching. Now, we may not be approaching death in the literal sense but how often does a small piece of us die each time we deal with trauma? When our children are in pain and we can't do anything about it? When we know they face surgery yet nothing to stop it? Justified or not, the fear, worry, sadness, insomnia, constant battles, etc. we face? If not dealt with, we eventually die inside. Dying spirituality and or emotionally is often more prolonged and painful then a physical death.

I admit I have been "ill" with spiritual and also emotional "sickness" before. We all have to one extent or another. It doesn't take long for it to fester and get to the point where you sometimes feel like a physical death would be better. During the time of midnight, wandering alone is our biggest tests of faith. The worst is the wandering alone. What will you face ahead? Tragedy, bankruptcy, divorce, etc. The list can go on..... In the journey, there is no GPS, maps or anything. You learn as you go. You learn that at times of despair and heartache that you must go on. There really isn't any other choice.

Traveling this past weekend going back home to Arkansas from Indiana, we were listening to the trial we have of XM radio. On there, one of the messages said, "You cannot worry and have faith in God too. You can't have both. Either you trust or you don't."

OUCH...... That stung me.....


"I'll never know
How much it cost
To see my sin
Upon that cross"

Luke 17:11-19
If you ask God for more then you thank him for, you have a problem.
Always have gratitude. Only one came back in that Bible story. One.
How often do we go through each day REALLY thanking God for what He has done?

The sun did rise and so did Jesus on that first Easter morning. The dawn will come for you as well. In the meantime, when it's midnight, look for the moon and the stars. Those glimmers of light are better seen the darker it is. The next time midnight and our the storm barrels at me, I will hopefully remember the words shared here. It's coming.....

We may feel like a single grain of sand inside this giant planet but each grain of sand put together, can make something beautiful out of glass when melted together.


Blessings!!

~ Special Momma ~

Christmas

I'm on my Kindle so please forgive typos. 

From where I am, it's one hour till Christmas morning. Many homes around the country will be opening presents in a matter of hours. And yet many others won't. Yet as I sit here in the dark as my family sleeps, I go back to this last year. My son arrived, bought a home, replaced my husband's car, learned of our second round with this journey. 

Yet Holland for us won't be the same as before. Similar yes but not the same. Two children to ride this journey as they both will have stories to tell. My daughter already does and yet her journey continues. 

Last night while we visited my father-in-law, she had a migraine hit. After a while, we had to hold her hair back as she puked then soon after was cold for a while. Yet through this, she prevailed and she knew that her grandpa understood where she has been. 

Sometimes I really do ask "Why my children? Why choose me to raise them?" 

Yet no matter what, I have learned that we are blessed and I know that at least our seven, nearly eight year old daughter sees it. My son is too young yet. As Christmas arrives tomorrow, I will not just be giving gifts but I will remember I already have mine, no matter what happens. 

Merry Christmas from my family to yours. Jesus is the reason for the season! 

~Special Momma ~

Waiting for Superman

Ever heard of that documentary? It's about the public school system and how it fails so many kids. I don't mean grades, I mean as people.

Yet how many of us are waiting for our Superman? Who is he? God? Your spouse, future spouse? What you envision as your "prince charming" mentality?

Yet how many times do we rely on other humans to 'save us'?

We have closed on our house a week ago. Water heater was replaced a day later. Murphy has been going since. Other expenses have come up, still to one car and now the windshield on it has a crack in it. We also have Christmas just around the corner.

I also recently had a dream that both of my children needed two different brain surgeries at the same time. My son is due for his first craniofacial one around May or June. Both children have MRI's and other appointments in March. My daughter has been sleeping more recently. Not a huge change but some. Prior to the last surgery, pretty much all she did at home after school was sleep. I'm not worried yet but my eyes are opened a little more to watching. Right now I could use a Superman.

Ever see pics of a mountain top or sky scraper and see below where the fog covers most everything below it?

This is a pic of the Dallas skyline, or what you can see of it from Mike Alvstad. Now, looking at that, can you see everything below? Can you see streets, cars, shorter buildings? No.

Now, here is the skyline at night from the Ronald McDonald House we have stayed at often...

Even here we see more skyline but not details. We get enough in life to see clues and hints as to where to go but that's about it. Like me, I'm sure what you want is details like this:

Life doesn't give us that though...... I do know this though, we all see the same moon at night. This pic was also taken at the Ronald McDonald House in Dallas.

What I have to remind myself, is even though sometimes I wish Superman (God) would save me from every trial in life, this is the same God that created everything we see. Every night that I look at the sky, I remember that no matter how dark it is, the easier it is to see light that does shine through. Even in the darkness, beauty can be found within. One of the reasons why I love the background on here. I love seeing pics of the moon at night.

The last pic I shared, the one of the moon was during our longest stay in Dallas thus far. We were there for about a month. The headaches in my daughter had been going on for about two months and we were due there anyway for checkups. In that time, we got admitted for four days of ICP testing. Then the 10 days till the follow up appointment. It was honestly less expensive to just stay then to come home and go back days later. We had several tests of faith in that time. Yet God as always prevailed.

As I sit here wrapping up this post, I am thinking to past trips, future trips and knowing that my infant son will face the same journey as my seven year old. Yet he won't. Yet then what will his journey teach him? Will it teach him to embrace the opportunities to meet other families, touch other lives and prevail despite the weight of the journey? That is what I pray for the most. That he, like my daughter will prevail. They both will take their journeys no matter the diagnoses that will likely add up over the years and prevail.

In the comics, Superman always prevailed, He was Superman after all.

 

We live by faith, not by sight. With God ALL things are possible!



Love,
~ Special Momma ~