Who we are

What were your first thoughts reading that? 

Some can use that as an excuse. "I yell at my kids because that's all I knew so I do it." Others have trust issues so it turns into a "I trust nobody so I would rather just do everything myself!"

Why are people like this then? What creates this? Everyone deals with bad in life. Yet why is it that some do better then others? How is it you get say two people who go through the exact same thing at the same time. Yet one is able to heal and move on, yet the other one, it consumes them. Is it just a matter of personality? I think sometimes it is. I'm definitely no psychologist but I think also it's how we are wired. I also think it's what we have learned over time and our interpretations of those lessons. Do we harbor bitterness and anger or do we let it roll off our backs?

So how is it that when we get told "I don't know how you do it!" some of us relish that and others get offended? Two ends of the spectrum but still there. I think it is personality but also who says it to us. Hearing my best friend say it is different then a complete stranger. Hearing a friend who I know loves my kids comment about how cute one of their heads is I take much less offense then a stranger. Yet even then it depends on my mood. So many factors reveal us for what our hearts really are and stress shows our true colors.

"I often read that "special children are only given to special parents" and "God doesn't give us more than we can handle". Everyone is of course entitled to their belief but personally I can't subscribe to either statement as both suggest that somewhere a deliberate decision is made to inflict disabilities on innocent children, an idea which I find untenable. The reality is that in most cases it happens purely by chance, often as the result of things such as a difficult birth, a tragic accident, a devastating illness, a flawed gene or even human error - and it can happen in any family at any time, not just to those deemed special or able to handle it. What I do believe, though, is that when faced with the prospect of raising a child with disabilities parents dig deep within themselves to find ways to cope and discover qualities and strength they never knew they possessed - and more often than not they succeed way beyond their expectations and become those "special" parents who are able to "handle" it."
 
So then overall, what is the best thing you can do for someone? If you know they are stressed out, depressed, angry, overwhelmed, etc. What is one of the best things you can do?

Many of us feel alone as it is. We know in our hearts that we are not yet, we are in a way. I think that changes people also. I know this journey has changed me. Some days for the better, some days for the worse. It is a part of who I am now. There is no going back, no matter what happens from here. Like most of us, we wouldn't change the blessings our special kiddos bring yet sometimes, there are some really dark days to face..... Those days are when we are most vulnerable, most likely to have something change us for the better or the worse. It is in our darkest days that we learn not just how strong we really are but how well we can stand alone. It is in the bitter cold of winter in our lives that we seek first the warmth from God, then our fellow man. Yet our greatest desires in that is to be understood and feel like it isn't us against the world. 

(Dad's too!) 


Darkness
By Carol Andrews
3-16-14

Sometimes the darkness in the battles of life can be so consuming and heavy. Sometimes the darkness is so dark that finding that glimmer of light is about impossible. Finding that single star in the night sky cloaked in darkness takes all night to find. Some nights it's not able to be found. Sometimes the battles and journeys of life leave us so ravaged, torn, abused, worn, hopeless..... Some days you go to bed at night defeated, the tears flowing like a river. The only hope you have is that you remember tomorrow is a new day. Yet when the journey feels like constant battles, sometimes you dread what tomorrow brings. You dread the medical bill in the mail knowing an insurance battle is ahead or worse. The knowledge and feelings in the budget balking at yet another trip for medical appointments/procedures yet you have no choice. The knowledge that some afford that with ease yet others struggle and are helpless to do anything about it. You dread a call from a doctor or the school. You know in your heart, you can't live like that yet some days, is impossible not to. Some days it's like it all hits at once and your wonder if your battle armor can take any more. You wonder how many more broken hallelujahs you can sing before your aching heart isn't so heavy. You sometimes wonder how much longer you can take your child sobbing in pain being helpless to do anything to take it away, being in the hospital yet one more day, more bad news from doctors, more guessing games as to what is really going on and why, another IEP meeting where all you hear is bad, etc. Sometimes you just wish you could throw your hands up and let the darkness overtake you. But you know too that you have to fight this fight. No other human will do it for you. You know you have to advocate, even if the Goliath ahead seems impossible to win against.


Want to know what really keeps us going? For me is the faith that someday there will be no more suffering or pain. It's the faith that all may abandon me but God never will. It's the faith that even when I'm mad at God and don't understand why, He still loves me and He has an ultimate plan. Even when I want to yell at Him, He still loves me. When my child can celebrate a day without pain, I rejoice in that, even if nobody else understands my joy. When I can watch my child reach out to others around her, even strangers and show them the light and joy within her that makes my day. When she tells me she hopes her unborn sibling doesn't have to deal with what she does it stabs your heart but then to see your child pray in faith about it, you know you did something right.... To see her compassion and love for other kids warms your heart. That is where I see the overcoming of the darkness.


Sometimes when the darkness of battle consumes us, that single flame of hope, that solitary star in the black sky, even the moon at night, is that slight glimmer of hope that the battles won't last forever. You see then that in reality, the light is more powerful then what the darkness is. the darkness is really dark and you get overwhelmed. Yet never forget that in reality, the light is stronger. God will overcome. Pain and suffering really won't last forever. Reality shows us that beauty can really come from ashes of pain. Even if we are the only ones to see it that way. We cry out to God to end the battles yet sometimes we see the beauty in the dawn of morning. The smoke from the rubble can bring about something better then what burned down. Sometimes we have to let it burn to see what rises above. God really can build better from the pain then what we see in the time we are in it. The hard part is getting to the other side of the darkness and enter the morning dawn alive. When you do, you know you are stronger for it. You know that more battles are ahead. More times of darkness will come but each battle won, gives you hope that you can win the next.

May you all make it through the nights of darkness to come out that next dawn knowing you are stronger and really not alone, even if you are the only one fighting.


Remember that.

Cheers!
~ Special Momma ~ 

My Perfect Child (A Poem) 

~ Author Unknown 

As my children were born, I wanted them
to be perfect. When they were babies, I
wanted them to smile and be content
playing with their toys. I wanted them to
be happy and to laugh continually instead
of crying and being demanding.
I wanted them to see the beautiful side
of life.

As they grew older, I wanted them to
be giving instead of selfish. I wanted
them to skip the terrible twos. I wanted
them to stay innocent forever.
As they became teenagers, I wanted
them to be obedient and not rebellious,
mannerly and not mouthy. I wanted them
to be full of love, gentle and kind-hearted.

"Oh, God, give me a child like this" was
often my prayer. One day he did. Some
call him handicapped... I call him Perfect!!